Performed by Val Cole

POEM:

tightrope like tied note twirl tangential tiptoe
talk | your reflection
through
twisted spun spiderweb stuck-fly absurdity
scam | your reflection

escape glass enslavement soft falsehood of fractals
fear | your reflection
is lying, what

monster haunts this fun-house body
trepid mask manifests so malevolent
my-flesh does-not be-lieve it-self, bursts
skyscraper hoarding horizon like anti-hero
like the mirrors must be mistaken-

miss taking handfuls of half-full hungry for high school
bathrooms where I held the toilet seat how I wish to be held-
fingers stretched towards the accuracy I believed to live in my throat

hoped I only saw a stranger in the corner shops of Paris where

a boy who kissed me like I was glass
like I was the New York skyline
like the space I took up was beautiful, told me

“you can see Belgium from space they had so much
money from the slave trade they
lit up the whole country” said

“there are no stars in the city
but I like looking at you”

and I was sorry for the space I inhabited and I believed
all the fallacies I met eye-to-eye
all the reflections that lie and do not lie
and I stood in the mirror and wept
for the puddles we walked through and knew-

they were just
piss

Get to know the poet:

1) What is the theme of your poem?

It’s about body dysmorphia, the Belgian slave trade, and the first time I ever went to Paris.

2) What motivated you to write this poem?

The boy who kissed me in Paris was real. I wrote this poem after the best date of my life (so far, I hope). His name was Gustave, he was an architecture student. On my last night in Paris he gave me a tour of all his favorite spots, explaining the architectural history, the designers and the materials they used and why, and so on. Our first kiss was in front of the Eiffel Tower, no joke. The next day I had to return to Luxembourg and he ran alongside my train as it left the platform. I wrote the very first draft of this poem sitting on that train, contemplating my own dysphoria alongside the way Gustave made me feel. About two years later, I wrote the final version of the poem and premiered it at a slam competition in Portland, where I placed 4th. Gustave and I still talk to this day.

3) How long have you been writing poetry?

I started writing when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old. I remember sitting in the hallway between my mom’s bedroom and mine in the middle of the night, writing when I couldn’t sleep. I had a deep fascination with Edgar Allen Poe as a kid and started submitting poetry to youth contests at local libraries and my school newspaper. I won some awards in middle school and published various pieces with my high school creative writing magazine. In college I minored in poetry and wrote for a literary magazine. So, in summary, I’ve been writing poetry for just about my entire life.

4) If you could have dinner with one person (dead or alive), who would
that be?

Mitsuki Miyawaki. Artistic inspiration all around. Did my senior thesis on “Your Best American Girl”. I would love to talk to her about music and poetry both.

5) What influenced you to submit to have your poetry performed by a
professional actor?

As a slam performer myself, I was eager to hear how someone else might interpret this piece. Most of my poetry is meant to be performed and written as such, and I was excited for the opportunity to have a professional approach my work. I was just happy to have this piece published in any capacity. It’s one of my favorite poems I’ve ever written.

6) Do you write other works? scripts? Short Stories? Etc..?

Music! Although I haven’t written any in quite a while. I have a background in classical music starting with violin as a kid. I studied Music Composition in college and have written mostly for string instruments and electronics. In the realm of words, I don’t really do much other than poetry and academic writing.

7) What is your passion in life?

Queer liberation. I have a working theory on Queer Nationalism and how radical queer acceptance is how we will fight the global rise of fascism and anti-immigration policy. Gender is a form of colonization enforced by the police state to exert control over the population. Be gay and do crimes, but like, for real. Academic paper(s) about this and related topics coming soon…